Who Keeps Buying All These Bluetooth Speakers?

In the category of “who actually buys this crap?”—Bluetooth speakers. Yes, still. Somehow, miraculously, this market is not just alive—it’s booming. The global Bluetooth speaker biz hit $12.9 billion in 2023 and is expected to nearly double to $27.9 billion by 2030. That’s not a typo. That’s a tidal wave of tiny rechargeable boxes that promise to soundtrack your beach day, hike, or shower like it’s a Super Bowl halftime show.

You’d think we’d reached peak saturation sometime around the third time you got one for Secret Santa. But no. Skullcandy’s rolling out “Terrain Minis.” JBL has a speaker that doubles as a lava lamp. Sony’s launching Bluetooth party torpedoes with 25-hour battery life. You can now buy a speaker with an IPX8 waterproof rating—which basically means it’ll keep working if you launch it into a hot tub full of Jell-O.

But here’s the kicker: this stuff sells. Why? Because we’ve turned “vibes” into a utility. Camping? Bring one. Rooftop BBQ? Bring three. Living in a one-bedroom apartment? Absolutely still need surround sound.

The Stealthy takeaway? If the zombie apocalypse hits, forget canned beans—hoard Bluetooth speakers. They’ll never stop making them. And someone, somewhere, will absolutely still buy one.